how to get unstuck

creating motivation on command

A few days ago, I was talking to a friend who is feeling stuck and waking up every day unable to push herself to do the work she has to do. She loves her work - she’s lucky enough to have tons of flexibility and creative freedom to build something of her own. But like everyone, she struggles with staying motivated consistently, to do her work with interest and engagement, without dreading it. It goes through phases. Sometimes you’re feeling it, sometimes you’re not.

Call me crazy, but I think we shouldn’t have to suffer through doing our work every day. A lot of my research focuses on how there are ways to learn to enjoy our everyday life more, by figuring out how to create motivation from scratch, when it’s just not arriving. We tend to wait for motivation to appear out of thin air, and then inevitably go through phases where it just doesn’t. And my point is that these phases don’t have to be as dreadful as they often do. I speak to friends of mine who feel stuck all the time. They’re building a career they really love in most ways, but often lose the spark when momentum dies down. And that’s the thing about the nature of momentum, of course - it’s not linear.

So how do you keep yourself motivated, excited and engaged, when the momentum has faded?

I did a lot of research on this for my book, interviewing dozens of young people in their 20s and 30s that are very happy with the careers and lives that they’ve built. The common denominator that I looked for, is that they actually really do enjoy their everyday life. It’s rarer than you think. They know how to turn a stuck period around. So… how?

It’s not so groundbreaking, but we don’t talk about it nearly enough: motivation goes hand in hand with inspiration. That feeling you get once in a while where it feels like everything you have to do is actually exciting and engaging, and you feel really motivated to act? That doesn’t come from motivation that was born out of thin air. It comes from something making you feel inspired. The angle we don’t talk about very often is this: To make yourself feel motivated, you have to make yourself feel inspired first. And we’re not really taught to generate inspiration intentionally.

Inspiration is the abstract force that gives you that buzz and puts you in a flow state. But it’s generated differently for everyone. You have to notice the activities and things that make your brain click with inspiration, and make you feel excited to act. Maybe it’s talking to a specific friend. Maybe it’s watching a specific type of YouTube video, or a podcast. Maybe it’s as simple as making a Pinterest moodboard… Whatever it is, it’s the thing that tends to put you in the mood to romanticize your life and the work you have to do.

A very simple example: my best friend is a corporate girl. She works a 9-5 job in a big company, not in a field she’s particularly passionate about, but it’s a job she’s very content with. How does she make it more enjoyable and manage to get out of the corporate-dread-feeling that often creeps up? In her case, she creates content and videos romanticizing her corporate career life, and through it, connects with others doing the same. That instantly puts her in a state of mind of looking at her everyday reality differently - she sees beauty and excitement in more places, and finds nice moments in routine. Similarly, friends of mine that love going to the gym and working out, manage to keep themselves more driven to be consistent by following creators and content that romanticizes working out, so they slowly rewire their brain to get excited about it. It’s why studytok is also such a huge thing, a part of TikTok where people romanticize studying. It’s not groundbreaking. It’s simple. But it works - most of us just aren’t that intentional about it.

Being intentional about creating inspiration is kind of a life hack. When I feel stuck and unmotivated, I put myself in a situation that I know is likely to get me in that mood, because it almost always has in the past - even if I don’t feel like doing it at first. The trick is doing it when you’re not feeling it, because you know that by the end of it you will be feeling it. You just have to know yourself enough to notice what gives you that buzz.

Your 20s are like a science experiment - you have to intentionally observe yourself to find what works for you, so you can give yourself more of that. It just leads to a more enjoyable life experience. What kinds of things make you feel inspired, which people leave you feeling more energized and excited about life. And what drains you.

I love thinking about momentum, because it’s such a powerful force. I love putting myself in situations that I know will give me an instant sense of momentum and motivation to act, because I walk out of them with a newfound sense to romanticize my life, work on a new project, or just get things done.

I’m honestly a professional romanticizer. For example, I absolutely love journaling and it’s one of the most beneficial habits I’ve ever built - but of course there are some phases where I’m just not feeling it. But I know how good it is for me, and I want to enjoy doing it - not just force myself to do it. So what I do is literally go on a Pinterest board I’ve made with photos of beautiful journals or someone journaling at a cafe, and I instantly get in the mood. It’s the same with working out sometimes, or with doing my job and going full-on startup founder mode.

They’re not easy things to do but I don’t want to have to suffer through them. I want to fully be in the mood, to have that momentum and get in a flow state, because it makes the way I experience my life just so much better. So you have to notice, actively, what gets you in the mood. And then do that more often, especially when you’re in a period of feeling stuck or unmotivated.

Feeling stuck happens to everyone. It’s usually inspiration that will help you get unstuck. And you don’t have to wait for inspiration to strike whenever the stars align. You can put yourself in situations that make it likely for it to happen, and give yourself the opportunity to get excited about doing what you need to do.