do you know what you want?
time for a check-in
The past year of my life has been by far the most transformative. I can’t wait to write an “everything I learned this year” type of post sometime soon, because I feel like my prefrontal cortex has probably just developed (about time). I’m turning 25 three months from tomorrow, and while I definitely feel like I know nothing, I also feel like I actually do know some things. And a lot of the big ones I only really internalized recently.
In October, my first book Design Your Life: Your Career, Your Way, will be out in the world and on the bookshelves. I always thought that if you don’t know what to write about, you should write about what friends come to you most often for. If you’re their go-to friend when they need advice on a specific topic, that’s probably a topic you can write about and help others with. In my case, the main topic is always something related to creating a career you’re fully happy with.
While I’m still at the start of my career and I have no idea how my life will develop, I’ve somehow managed to land in a phase where I can realistically say I’m living what aligns to my definition of success. When I started writing my book, I set out with the goal to make it the most useful book possible on its topic, for people in their 20s. Even though a lot of it is practical and more business-y, a lot is also quite philosophical. You’d get the most out of it with a good amount of introspection — chapter 2 is all about finding your definition of success. Because there’s no point trying to succeed if you don’t know what you’re succeeding in.
I think it’s common in your early 20s, and often for much longer, to be going about your work-life chasing some largely vague and undefined ideal of success. Let’s try to get the ‘best job possible’, build a ‘successful’ career, achieve this and that. What is the best job possible? Is it the highest-paying one, or the one where you can climb the ladder faster? Is it one that allows you to practice your creativity the most, or one where you have control over your working hours and your time?
In every case, your career choices shape the rest of your life. The structure of your job will likely determine your level of financial freedom, comfort, free time, and more elements that heavily influence most important areas of your life. I don’t think we place as much importance as we should on figuring out our definition of success, and that’s something that is incredibly personal. I have friends who will only feel fulfilled when they make a certain level of impact; others whose priority is being able to treat themselves and their loved ones; others that want to travel the world, where free time and flexibility are the most essential elements.
The more I think about these questions and check in with myself to see where I’m at (because none of this is fixed for life), the easier it becomes to make decisions more intentionally and enjoy my life more. I’ve come to realize that what makes me feel the most fulfilled, is above anything else, having freedom: usually translates into time-freedom and financial freedom. I feel happiest and most fulfilled when I do not feel rushed; when I can follow my deepest wishes and intuition and spend time with people I love, unrushed; when I can pursue my passions and follow my inspiration the moment it strikes, without the stress of ‘I should be doing something else’; the freedom of being able to have slow mornings most days, make myself breakfast, catch up with someone I love, or take time for myself. No grand and monumental success would feel like success to me if it meant my everyday life couldn’t feel like this. No world-changing impact would feel worth it if it didn’t allow me to also fulfil my soul’s most essential wishes.
Knowing that about myself has been incredibly helpful in setting goals and making decisions. It helps me know what to strive for, how much effort and stress is worth it, and from what point onwards I would be doing myself a disservice. It’s scarily easy to constantly be grinding and going for more and more and more, chasing the next milestone and then the next. I’m all too conscious of wanting to enjoy my life today; tomorrow isn’t promised and living for the future is terrifying. My personal definition of success revolves around doing whatever is in my power today to make sure I can enjoy my life right now as well, not just when I reach that one milestone, not just when I retire.
You ultimately have to do some soul-searching and figure out what you truly, deeply want the most. There’s no right definition of success, and you must not look outside for it. Pay attention to when you feel the most fulfilled and relaxed, and when you feel stressed out. Tune into yourself and keep asking these questions: any answers that come up will be your guides as you shape your life, one decision at a time.
📚 Not to self-promo, but if you feel like some more insight on this topic would be helpful to you right now, you can preorder my book! (Amazon, Waterstones, Barnes & Noble, etc). 💙
It's true, having these things defined. Where you want to go, how you're going to get there and who you're taking with you are pretty much everything.
How can a person ever feel like they're doing something worth doing if they having first establish what is important to them.
I know a few people like that and am sort of in that place too. With a murky idea of what success looks like.
You can only figuring it out by digging deep, being honest with yourself and experimenting.
Great read.
In my longtime career of being an artist there have been many points of what others would call 'success'. The first show in a gallery, the first solo show, the first sale... All were steps along the way.
Money - and what it buys never equaled success, it simply meant other and more available choices.
There were two salient points in that career. The first was realizing that my work had stopped being autobiographical and became reflective of the world around. The second was when a Midwestern university collected my life work - there is perhaps no greater achievement than immortality before death.
Being loved, finding friendship and realizing fulfillment in your work is success.