whose path are you on?

what we owe to ourselves

I find that the most confusing phases of my life come when I’m on a path that isn’t mine, but I haven’t realized it yet. This isn’t something that just comes to you as a realization when you’re meant to know it — it takes an intentional process to figure it out and that’s why I think that so many of us spend time and energy on a path that isn’t ours.

Every decision has some consequences, good or bad. It drives you closer to a certain kind of life that’s either closer or further to what fulfils you. How intentionally do most of us design our lives? Once I realized that I had a choice and could be more intentional with designing my life exactly how I wanted it, the options and paths I could take became overwhelming.

It started with figuring out what success actually means to me. No career or life path is going to make you happy if you don’t know what genuinely makes your soul light up without the external influences of what you think should. I started building my own company when I was 20, and spent a couple of years burning out and overworking myself constantly without being sure why. Growing a company seemed like its own goal to me, but I had no influences around me that pushed me to question that, until I slowly did. Long story short, I realized I would never feel successful if I didn’t have genuine joy and fulfilment in my every day life — and to me, joy and fulfilment come from a very specific set of things. My happiest days weren’t those where I closed big business deals or reached a work milestone that sounded cool on social media. They were those where I got to spend time with people I love, read, write, explore, be creative for its own sake, have great conversations, indulge in whatever felt inspiring that day, travel. It became clear to me that if all of us are seeking fulfilment or everyday happiness of some sort through one means or another, my personal definition of that includes a certain set of elements that I’d be wise to try to center my life around.

I’d never been taught to stop and define what success looks like to me, in order to figure out how to design my life in a way that gives me that. So it’s been a very personal journey that I’ve been on to dig deeper, that has taught me a lot about myself and showed me clearly which directions and decisions would shape my life in the most rewarding way possible. And I recommend that to everyone. When you’re stuck or unhappy in your career or life, sometimes what you need more than anything else is clarity. Clarity on exactly what would make you most fulfilled and why. A big part of that is shedding limiting beliefs around life and work, which I’m still trying to do. Once you figure out what you most deeply want your every day to look like, YOU, personally, not what you think it should look like based on definitions of success you’ve swallowed through your family, culture, or the internet, I think the nicest gift you can give yourself is to try and intentionally shape your life to create that.

Most of my writing leads back to the main idea that you owe yourself a life well-lived and there is no reason not to do everything in your power to give yourself that. So this is about actually understanding what you personally want your path to be like. And then doing what it takes to get to that. This image and understanding of your ideal daily life becomes the north star that you measure every big decision against — it’s the best way to know that you’re heading in a direction that’s fully true to you, and not to what anyone tells you it should be, so that you don’t end up finding yourself stuck in a life that isn’t yours.

It’s more difficult than many of us think to discover what actually makes you happy and what you’re just telling yourself makes you happy. Learn to listen to your body and to trust yourself. It goes for work, relationships, friendships, anything. Your body knows when you’re genuinely excited about something, however simple it may be, and noticing that is a big key to getting to know yourself better and being able to give yourself what you most deeply want and need. Once you start looking, there are signs everywhere. In your passions, your hobbies, the content you love to consume, the people who spark an envious instinct because you wish you were doing what they’re doing. Take notice. What are they pointing to?

Why are so many people unhappy with the paths they spend their lives chasing? Because you’re never taught how to actually know yourself, and to value that, although it sounds obvious. Most people have never learned to be in touch with their feelings and allow space for them to exist, and that’s the root of the problem. And how are you going to know what type of life is most fulfilling and right for you if you’re not valuing knowing yourself, and understanding your feelings, as the ultimate exercise to create genuine happiness?

Getting inspired by other people’s paths is great for reminding you all the options you have, but no one’s advice can really tell you what to do because no one is you. I’m at a point where I would unapologetically defend any big life decision, career pivot, anything, if I know that I did it because it feels truly right for me and will get me closer to the path I’m meant to be on. You owe yourself that much and it’s so important spending the time to develop that instinct, or skill. This is why I love journaling and writing things just for myself. Everyday life doesn’t usually offer you the time to introspect and get close to yourself. You have to carve it out intentionally.

And to return to the topic of limiting beliefs: if there are things that excite you and inspire you deeply, that feel like play and not like work, that you want to do whenever you have free time for their own sake, there’s no reason why you can’t design your life or career around them to build a life that’s as fulfilling to you as possible. Chances are you can find people who make a living in those ways, and they started somewhere too. It is possible, you just need to know what you want, and a general plan to get there.

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P.S.: I wrote a book on this. If you read it, I hope it inspires you. Feel free to message me if you’d like a discount code. 🌀💙